My Faith

One thing that really helped to ground me and keep me alive while I was experiencing psychosis over the past few years was my involvement with the First Presbyterian Church of Seattle. I attended church services and bible study regularly, so I became a part of that community which helped me to avoid isolation. Despite the harsh delusions I was going through, I gained peace in the process through my faith, and through learning about the word of God. 

Learning about the word of God helped to debunk some of my worst delusions – We don’t have to worry about any evil spirits because we have the Holy Spirit on our side. We do have to deal with the flesh (man). [I just started deleting this sentence, and I heard “don’t delete that”. I guess The Voice is sticking around still.]

I believe that God controls my mind and my body, however I can make choices. I easily choose wrong when I haven’t consulted with Him first. And I’m bound to choose wrong when I have psychotic delusions. Mental health is freedom, and mental illness is like a prison. There is also freedom in being a believer of God.

Never mind the times when I thought it was God telling me what to do but I was actually psychotic. I’d like to think that it was truly Him at least some of the time. 

I’m still learning how to balance my belief in God with the real world. The Bible tells us about otherworldly things, and as a person of faith, we have to negotiate in our conscious minds how we are going to fit them into our reality. I can tell you that my faith in God has strengthened since 2018, when my delusions came on full-swing. I would hear a softer voice tell me things in response to prayer.

Some of the stained glass artwork at First Presbyterian Church of Seattle.
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